Playing Mommy

Wed, 10/07/2009 - 11:33 — Carrie

"Mama?... I mean, Cawwie?"
I turned to face the almost-3-year-old, and had to smile at his jelly smeared face. Several times a day I hear this question coming out of his mouth. Mama? He knows I'm not Mama. And yet, all too often, I'm the one who takes the place of Mama for him.
I'm the one who saw his first step, who hears all those new words he comes up with, who gets him dressed in the morning. When I pull up to the house every day, he gleefully shouts, "Cawwie's home!" and runs to the door to greet me, face all aglow.
Being a nanny is a depressing job sometimes. I love these kids as if they were my own. I spend more time with them than I do with my own siblings. And yet one day I'll have to leave. Someday, Lord willing, I'll have my own family to be with. And if not, well... one day, they'll grow up and I won't be needed anymore. It's not something I like to think about.
People tell me that I'm "just like a mom!" but they're wrong. A mom gets to hear her kids say "I love you, Mama". A mom gets to show people her kids... not just pictures of them. A mom gets to stay with her kids until they're grown, and even then, she still takes an active role in their life. A mom doesn't go home every evening.
No, I'm not a mom. But it's nice to pretend sometimes.


You can pretend that they are your kids and you are leaving them with sitters at night.


Wow... every single night. What a bad mom. Tongue

two points I already made elsewhere

1) I've known friends raised by a nanny in childhood and elementary school; they didn't forget her any more than they forgot their childhood. She was a permanent part of their childhood.

2) Regardless of whether that's comforting, I don't think it speaks to the real issue you're raising, which is that you're not entirely fulfilled as a nanny, that job being not motherhood as God designed it.

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