Empty

Fri, 12/07/2012 - 22:06 — Carrie

Some things are better off empty. Empty trashcans. Empty laundry baskets. Empty sinks. But some things are not. Like me. I’m not better off when I’m empty. And I’m not talking about the stomach kind of empty. No, this is a much deeper empty. An empty that can’t be taken care of with a small meatball pizza from the corner pizza shop. (On special for $3.99!)

This empty eats at your soul. It fills you. Which is ironic, since it is emptiness and being filling is kind of against the nature of normal emptiness. But this emptiness so encompasses you that you’re mindful of little else. When you’re at peace, you don’t think much about it. You just are. But when you’re empty inside, it’s hard to focus on other things. Hard to take your mind off of the emptiness

And how do you fill that emptiness? Particularly when the cause is irreversible? Something said, perhaps, or done. Something that, no amount of apology will undo. I think it has to be built back up. The filling I mean. Now it sounds like I’m talking about a donut or something. Fill me up with Boston Creme and I’ll be happy. ^_^

But it does. It’s often not filled up in a minute. It takes time. When you feel empty, there’s a specific reason, and it might take a lot to fill you back up.

God’s good like that, though. Filling you back up. Although sometimes it takes awhile to realize it. Maybe because you expect to be filled up the way you used to be. But that’s not often how it works. Usually it’s something new. Maybe even better. Doesn’t feel like that right away. But it does eventually.


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