Life Changes

Fri, 09/27/2013 - 15:03 — Carrie

It's been too long since I've written here. Far far too long. 

So much has changed since I last wrote! I meant to be off and away by this time, and here I am, still in my little house in Auburn. And I'm so very happy these days. ^_^

I am still at my nanny job. I have less than a year left with my kids. I can't talk about that for long without crying. Sinead is 4 1/2 now, and in preschool two afternoons a week. She loves it, and it's doing amazing things for her shyness. She's much more willing to say hi to other kids she sees at the library, and I'm really amazed at how social she's becoming. She still continues to be my spicy little girl, and doesn't care much what other people deem "proper" for little girls, far prefering to build lego helicopters and cars than do girly things. She constantly asking what different things mean and sometimes I'm at a loss how to explain things to her, but I love her constant curiosity and how she's always excited about life.

Donovan is now in 1st grade and reading like a champ! i just spoke with his school ibrarian the other day and she told me how hard it is to find him new books to read, since we read so much with him! I loved hearing that, since reading with the kids has always been a huge priority for me, and we make a trip to the library every week. I love to get them excited about learning new things and reading more books. I'm so proud of Donovan for his reading skills, which surpass many kids his age. He continues to be a quiet, introverted boy, with a great imagination. He loves sports, so I certainly can't identify with him there, but he seems to love the fact that he knows more about sports than me. Laughing out loud He prefers to play video games over going outside, but since his video game time is limited, he usually comes out with us anyway. Tongue

Aislinn is smart, fun, caring and extroverted. She ran for student councel in her 4th grade class recently and won! She worked really hard on a poster, and a speech, and (although it was mostly a popularity contest at this age) she really gave it her all. I'm so proud of her and all she has accomplished. She loves to make lists and plans and is definitely a type A personality, which can sometimes clash with the other kids, so that's always interesting. She and I have such fun discussions sometimes and I really enjoy the time when I'm making dinner and she comes in to hang out with me while the other kids are off playing. 

I love these kids so much. 

Other things in life are amazing, too. Just fantastic. So fantastic. ^_^ 

And I'm loving living with my two roommates. We have such fun times together. Just last night we all went out on the town for the evening. We went to two different bars, and while they probably wouldn't have been my first choice of places to hang out, I so enjoyed the company. We had plenty of deep, open conversation which really helped us see how much we trust each other. It's so invaluable to have friends who you can completley trust enough to open up about the most secret parts of your life. Friends who won't judge you for how stupid you've been, or the mistakes you've made. Friends who will laugh at you when you get silly and do dumb things. 

Yes, I still want to move. I love where I'm at, but I know it's not permanent, and with that knowlege comes a longing for something that is permanent. There are so many things I still want in life. I probably won't achieve them all, but I do hope to do some of them, and so when my the last of my babies goes off to school full time next fall, I'll very likely move away from here. Maybe I'll go to Oregon... Wink

I was asked recently why I wanted to move away so much. I tried to come up with an answer, but couldn't seem to put it entirely into words. Part of it, I think, is tied to my past. I didn't have a horrible childhood; I didn't have a tumultuous teenagehood; and yet I've come so far since I was young, and become such a different person. So many things from my childhood and teenage years I'm somewhat ashamed of, now. Particularly in my teen years. Part of me wants to get as far away from that as I can. I think a lot of people still see me as that person, and haven't really realized who I've become, probably because I'm too timid and shy to really open up to a lot of people. I desperately want to open up, but don't feel like I can. 

And so I want to get away from my past. Not forget it, because it's healthy to know where you came from, but there's a part of me that thinks i can't really move on until I leave the physical location. It's not that way for everyone, or probably even for most people, but for me I think it is. 

I also want to move because I want an adventure. I've lived in the same place my whole life... just a couple different houses a town away from each other. Everything around is what I've grown up around. Memories on every corner. I want to experience something new. I want to learn a new town, a new place. I want to find new activities. 

But there's something else. Something undefinable that makes me want to move. Can't quite put my finger on it. Despite how much I love my life right now, and how little sense it makes, I still want something different. Maybe I always will. I like to think that I'll move and then be happy. It worries me sometimes. Maybe I'm just a discontent kind of person. I don't think I am, but maybe I am. I guess only time will tell. :/

I love my life. I really do. I've come to a realization recently that I'll probably always be looking forward to whatever comes next, but I think if you can find a way to look forward to the future, and still be content and happy in the present, you've found a good place. Hopefully I can figure that out. Smile

And so life trips merrily on. I've got some projects I would like to work on and I've been extremely unproductive today, so I think I shall end this blog post and go clean the attic. Cheerio, my non-existant blog readers!


Sounds like a change for the better

You sound so enthusiastic! Glad to hear that things are going well for you. It will be exciting to see where life takes you next. Smile

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