Alternate Dimension

Thu, 01/16/2014 - 11:58 — Carrie

I am Massachusetts Carrie. 

I'm single, I live with my roomates, I work as a nanny for three kids, I go to church with my family, I hang out with my friends here, I drive around the towns where I grew up. My life has a very familiar pattern. 

But there's another Carrie. Oregon Carrie.

Oregon Carrie is married, she lives in an apartment with her husband but they're looking for a house, she is looking for a job, she is going to an unfamiliar church where she doesn't really know anyone, she hangs out with different friends, she drives around towns she doesn't know, trying to figure out how to get everywhere. Her life is strange and new and unfamiliar. 

I don't really know that Carrie very well. I feel like she's in an alternate dimension, a place that exists yet is out of my reach. Sometimes, she feels like a very different person. Yet, it's me. I am Oregon Carrie. Maybe not yet, but I will be. I can see it coming.

There's a part of me that's sad. I love so many things about my life as Massachusetts Carrie. I love these kids more than I can say, and it hurts so much to think of leaving. I love spending time with my best friends, and late night chats, and going to the movies together, and just spending time together. I love spending time with my sister and brothers, going to the gym, watching movies, eating meals with my family. I love my church, and my sunday school kids, talking with the people i know there and the fellowship and camaraderie I have. I know i will miss it horribly.

Yet at the same time, I want it to come. I'm excited about my life as Oregon Carrie. I love Brian and can hardly wait to start building a life together. I'm excited to hang out more with the friends I have out there. I look forward to being a part of his family and spending time with them. I'm excited to learn a new town, and get involved in the people and places. 

And it's unavoidable. Not in a bad way... it's like... I can feel it coming, and I've always had a love/hate relationship with suspense. There's a song I love. It's by the Beatles, and it's called "Day in the Life". In it, there's a musical segue from one part of the song to another. To make this transition, the music begins to build and build and build until it finally peaks in one resounding note. I love this part. It makes me feel tense and excited all at the same time, and it makes me yearn for the culmination in that one, final note. 

That's how I feel. The next three months are the buildup, the music is building and building and building, and it all cuminates at the wedding. That's when my life as Massachusetts Carrie draws to a close and my life as Oregon Carrie begins. I'm excited, and tense, and I'm enjoying the buildup to some extent, making the most of my time left here, but I'm also wanting it to just come, to just finish. One final note. It's coming.  


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